El Silencio de Otros, Almudena Carracedo and Robert Bahar, 2019

El Silencio de Otros, Almudena Carracedo and Robert Bahar, 2019

El Silencio de Otros, Almudena Carracedo and Robert Bahar, 2019

El Silencio de Otros, Almudena Carracedo and Robert Bahar, 2019

El Silencio de Otros, Almudena Carracedo and Robert Bahar, 2019

El Silencio de Otros, Almudena Carracedo and Robert Bahar, 2019

I never found a shelf

A year has passed

So many days flew fast

Now that I haven’t seen you

Spoken to you

Heard you crying and shouting words in rhymes

Forgetting me too

My pain

Your knives

And if I walk by you

Would I walk through?

Cause the butterflies in my stomach

Still fly with the dust of you

And my feet still tremble

To the words of your mouth

I play your recording in repeat

So I can watch myself breakdown

But I haven’t seen you

I now have

Two jobs

Old city

Old car

New house

New bar

I no longer see you

With my blackcurrant cider

With you crawling up my spine

Like a huge spider

And I faint

To the sound of your voice

To the velocity of your acts

To the seriousness of your chats

But it wasn’t my choice to leave

But I run through the city

Like a wind blows a leaf

And I fall to the ground

Like I fell in your part of town

But now I’m home

Again

Home ‘cause I was home there

But I was too alone to share with you

You were too busy to care about me too

Now I run through the city

You run every gig

I strive to have no pity

The day we fell off a cliff

And you think

I’m too insane to live

I think your gift is too brave to be sane

Still I maintain

The loudness of my dreams

Your ghosts in my beams

Your heart I hear pounding

Across the sea

And the tunnel to Paris

That brings you closer to me

I used to die to your presence

It used to highlight my essence

Now I crumble to the ground

To your poetry

And your sound

In your mic

Oh it does strike

My heart

With words and rhymes

Jumping in verses

I thought they would heal me

But my heart just

Gets worse

You could steal me

For a day or two

Pretending we never met

So I could say I love you

But this is all I get

And I’m insane enough

To maintain

My dream of seeing you again

My ghost

My lover

My friend

But the world turns

It likes to spin on itself

I never closed your book

I never found a shelf

Maybe one day

I’ll go to your pub

Get my blackcurrant cider

And die from your love

Like a fast car driver hits a wall

Your loss

My fall

Still here I lay in my part of town

Far from you

Far from your ground

Here the floor is hard to walk on

But I don’t hear you speak

There I had no door to knock on

But I wasn’t standing on my own two feet

And I miss you like the day waits for the moon

Like the night wants the day soon

Still I stand on my own two feet

Hearing your poetry to my heart beat

On my background

I feel your strength

I feel you there

Even though we are not meant

I’ll always care

Maria Mergulhão